Pak Nek

Never realized that I am a real fan of flowers. Lately, I've been going to the Orchidwood to buy flower petals. This flowers caught my attention.

 First time seeing a blue colored flower

 Mini sunflower

 Adorably white

Pink attack!

Anyways, the reason that I have been going to the flower place to buy the rose petals is because my beloved grandpa passed away. :'(

This was him. Oh gosh i miss him so much. He was not only my Pak Nek. He was a friend. A good one. He was a loving grandpa, father, husband, friend and everything! So many sweet memories with him. He's kisses, the way he listens to my story, the way he makes effort to keep up with me eventhough he has difficulty in hearing. No one can replace him. He is so special. I cried my eyeballs out for days. I just can't believe it still. He was so healthy after he was admitted to the hospital, after he fell and hurt his head. I kid you not! His face was red meaning blood flow was good, no paleness. He was eating fruits, acting normal. 

Then, one night, at 12.30 midnight, grandma called and told us to come to the house immediately. It was different, I was not really rushing, kinda taking my time. Then, when I reached my grands house, it felt so different, the whole situation felt so slow, as if I was in the slow motion part of a movie, the air was cold and rather eerie. When I went to his room, he was lifeless but not yet gone. All of us trying to wake him up, refusing to let him go. I called boyfie who was at work to come. When I called his name, and tried to wake him up, he was actually moving a bit. Then, my family made me read Yassin and with tears, I did. During my recital of Yassin, I could hear the rest of my family talking, one part in which my mum saw my grandpa's eyes open and she was so glad telling te rest of her siblings to give grandpa water but then he took that last two breath. Not even a rough one, just two little subtle gasp, and he was gone. 

I did not know by that time until I finished my Yassin recital. I was shocked to see him covered with white blanket but his face not covered. I went outside, feeling very much like a kid, I wanted to ask, "Is Pak Nek still alive, why aren't you guys doing anything? Why did the nurses went back without bringing him along? " Then, I heard mama on the phone saying "Dad's no longer with us," At that moment, I burst into tears. I denied it. I went to see him and he was lying there, lifeless. I cried. Stopped. Cried again. Stopped. I know this day was coming but I did not expect it to be this soon. I wanted just one more hour at least with him. To have his last kiss and his last hug. 

That is the reason, I haven't been updating. I've been mourning over this. It's too sad for me. He left us. In a very good way. No struggling or what so ever. He was very well prepared. I look up to him. I want to live and die just like him. He is one of my biggest fashion inspiration. He taught me table manners, showed me all his Lanvin, Giorgio Armani, Carerra and so much more belongings he has. He has one whole section in his house just for his blazers. He also introduced me to all the yummy delicacies. Bigger inspiration than my dad, he was more of a dad than a grandpa to me. :"( Anyways. That was it.